What masks do you wear?
I went to the grocery store today and was aware of the fact that as I smiled at people, no one could tell. I was wearing my mask made for me by one of my good friends (Elizabeth of Chicago). So, if I smiled and said “I’m so glad there are eggs!” or “Can you believe there are no cleaning products? We’re all in this together.” it was all received with passive expressions. Or was it received with smiles? I can’t tell. Because they had masks on too.
And so. As we move through these unprecedented times, I’m aware that there are several other times in which we also communicate with masks on.
Are there times when we are trying to be happy when having just heard bad news? I went to a gala after getting a call that my mom was heading to the ER. I was a four-hour flight away and there was nothing I could do. But it was very distressing none-the-less. I masked up, I pulled the last few pins out of my hair and went to a gala. I tried to make new friends and smile and network. I did an ok job. But on my mind was my mom. My mask worked because most of the people there didn’t know me. So, they didn’t have a comparison.
Are there times when we are trying to be present when we have just been through something rough?
I remember when I had just been to my mom’s first chemo treatment on 2006 and tried to go to work. I was my usual happy and peppy self, but with a crazy edge since I had just seen a huge needle get plunged into my mom’s chest port. I was not ok. But I was trying to be my usual self. My boss told me to go home. I did. My mask wasn’t as opaque as I thought.
Are there times when other things have gone on and we try to go on as if nothing has happened? A break up. A job shift. A worrisome phone call. Any of these are more than enough to put a mask on our feelings and experiences in a way that means we are not fully present.
And then there are the times we have masks we choose for ourselves.
How do we want to be seen as compared to how we are?
How do we admonish ourselves before others have the chance?
How do we diminish our accomplishments before we have the time to say anything we have done?
How do we blame ourselves for unforeseen outcomes?
Even as I write this my upstairs neighbors are doing aerobics. I’m trying to keep a straight face as I write with my friends on zoom. But it sounds like there is a step aerobics competition going on and I worry the ceiling fan will fall at any moment. And so. I. Mask. Up.
Further, that often means we are more sensitive to the reactions of those around us.
We mask up.
Are not ourselves.
We bristle at the world around us for not seeming quite right, even as we are trying our best to not seem quite the reality we are experiencing.
We are shocked with others see us or call us out as not being ourselves.
We recoil or lash out.
REPEAT
OR
3. We put ourselves in a position to be around people who notice we are not quite right.
4. We appreciate them when they say “are you ok?” and then answer truthfully.
5. We take any action, no matter how small, to help ourselves correct the “not quite right"or the “way outta whack” we are feeling.
6. We check in with those around us we trust to see how we are doing.
So. During the midst of everyone “not being quite right” while simultaneously wearing actual masks what do we need in order to be right? Or what do we need in order to be the best us’ we can be right now?
I’ve been using the word “newsual” [news-u-all]. It conveys the sense of new-usual we are all experiencing. Going to the store with everyone wearing masks may be new to you. May be normal for you. As a community it is newsual. Staying home to work may be new. May be your usual. For the 30% of the US who can work from home now it is newsual. Talking through emotional masks and hiding your feelings may be new. May be your usual. For all of us it is newsual.
What are ways in which we might work to remove our masks in these uncertain times were connection is essential?
#JournalPompt What is different about my usual and my newsual?
Are there threads of yourself you want to or need to share with those you love?
How might you share what you need?
Are you ready to hear yes? (What will you do if you hear yes?)
Are you ready to hear no? (What will you do if you hear no?)
Are there threads of yourself you want to or need to share with family?
How might you share what you need?
Are you ready to hear yes? (What will you do if you hear yes? Are there other preparations you need to make?)
Are you ready to hear no? (What will you do if you hear no? Are there others you can influence?)
Are there threads of yourself you want to or need to share with those you work with?
How might you share what you need?
Are you ready to hear yes? (What will you do if you hear yes? Are there other preparations you need to make?)
Are you ready to hear no? (What will you do if you hear no? Are there others you can influence?)
Are there threads of yourself you want to or need to share with strangers?
How you want to show up with your mask on?
What do you want strangers to be able to see about you immediately?
Do you want them to know you are smiling? (How about a mask with a smiley face?)
Do you want them to know to stay away? How about nothing because they will likely stay away anyway?
What is different about strangers and people you know and family need to know about me? <Journal prompt>
What is different about what people I work with and family need to know about me? <Journal prompt>
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